Ch (17) Today... August Array 2018

Here, today in early August, there is in me, a sensation of numbness.
A comfortable disconnect from the claws of duty and obligation.
A smile imprinted into my head as images of my imminent release from this agonizing incarceration, form in my mind.
Imagining those long awaited meetings as they replay in blurs of tears.
And I wonder if I will hold them or hide them or share them or dare them.?

Ten years after my most obscene abduction from the bright sunshine of the peak of my career..
Snatched so rudely, into the depths of shame, torment, deprivation, disposession, indignity, and disillusion.
Contrasts of every hue and some painful lessons of life, and it's truths.

Here today,
no longer bewildered and outraged by the cruelest of deceptions and fabrications imposed.
No longer angry or vengeful in response to these most delinquent of convictions.

Now there is  direction.
Now there is  firm resolve.
Now there is clarity and intention.
Now there is a new correction.

There has been time to winnow the chaff of confusion and lies..
And time to assemble the fragments of a shattered career..
Time to piece together the tatters of my destroyed family and friends
and time, and to stand back..
And to consult with the wise and able for their unbiased direction.

So privelaged am I, to have had all this and to have shared it all with so many. So grateful today that so many of them have participated, impacted and   contributed so passionately to the support mechanisms that have lifted me out of the most soul destroying destitution.
Lifted my family too.
I direct no longer to others, any arrow of blame or miserable regret, but to my self.
Those sentiments of Futility.. Apathy.. Helpless frustration and impotence.
Years of stonewalled intransigence have been order of the day. Those days of hope..
But every day there were thousands of you caring friends, who have ever more  stood behind me, in confidence and hope and prayer.
Even my own prison wardens have stood with me, as they too, knew of the disparities and common disconnects within the most powerful  circles.
They too were as helpless as my countrymen diplomats at the highest levels. But they cared for me.
They too were most cautious as were  all who knew that, in the truth, there was great risk to my welfare. 
No finger could too loudly or truthfully declare..
That which we all knew..
But were impotent to share.
So today here I am updating this news for you as clearly as I dare.

I owe so much to so many caring friends, and it is a daunting prospect to consider how I will ever be able to repay the hours, days, and dollars..
The compassion..
The fortitude the wisdom and the love that was showered over me day after day.
The sequences of the most uncanny of good fortunes and positive energy exactly at the right times, culminating in what I can only describe as miracles.
The myriad of the smallest things that made the hugest differences.

So here... I write and think and appreciate every tiny thought..
Every tiny whim..
Every tiny inclusion that you may have had in your own lives, as so many have so kindly thought about me here.

It's not all about me.
It's about compassion.
It's about a shared travesty
It's about a window for many to see
It's about an opportunity to care
It's about a lesson of great pain and loss
Observed in safety from far away
Observed while enduring your own traumas and tribulations.

So it's been a journey of success
A perilous tragedy turned challenge.
And a challenge turned victory.
Like a dull strip of mild steel forged in a hell fire.. . Beaten, annealed and tempered.. Now burnished to shine.
Yours to hold and admire
Your efforts did all this
Your care
Your fire
Your rescue
Your love and interest and forgiveness.
Your passionate participation
Your friendship and inspiration
Even on the darkest days.. I was never alone.. Someone somewhere always had me in mind and I knew it.. Felt it.
So here I write this today, to share with you the results of your most generous care.
You did all this
I played my role almost as a token
You stood by me when my nearest walked away in shame. Cut me off.

The rewards must return to you and I will endeavor to conclude to each their share.
The days ahead still have a load to bear and I will be more ecstatic and confident when I see you there.
These days I will share with you, as the sky opens wide and the glittering water clear, swims clean and free.
Then holding your hearts and those joys together, relived, this all becomes yours.
Do this with me
So.. I think.
Today.